Keeping the BP Disaster in Perspective

I was watching the news recently, listening to several stations continue to report on the BP oil-spill-disaster, showing countless pictures of oil covered critters, and diagrams with plums of oil filling up most of the gulf. Reporters over and over indicated that this event was the worst industrial disaster the world had ever seen. Reactions from many have been to consider boycotting BP filling stations, and donating money/time to the efforts to cleanup the animals, and the coast affected by the tragedy. Enraged by the greed of BP Execs and many engineers who “overlooked” certain warning signs focusing on a bottom line profit, many are calling for the BP execs to be tried in court, and held responsible for their actions. But is this really the worst case of greed and negligence the world has ever seen? Are these BP teams who are seeking profit really guilty of the worst case of disaster capitalism the world has seen?

In December of 1984 a Union Carbide (now owned by Dow Chemical) pesticide plant exploded in Bhopal killing over 5,000 people, and leaving over 120,000 others with a need for lifelong care. After the disaster, Union Carbide settled with the Indian government for $470 million….$350 million of which was the insurance sum…meaning that most of the victims got less than $1000 dollars each. When Dow purchased Union Carbide in 2001, there was finally hope that victims from the Bhopal incident when Dow announced that it would promptly “compensate victims of Union Carbide’s past negligence”. Dow promptly paid over $2 billion to… 14 asbestos plaintiffs in Texas, doing nothing for the victims who were continuing to suffer in Bhopal. Worse still, some 25 years AFTER the incident, some 390 tons of toxic chemicals abandoned at the UC plant CONTINUE to leak into the groundwater of the region affecting thousands of residents that depend on it. Not only was the area not cleaned up, and not only were the victims not taken care of, but the incident has continued to affect generations beyond the explosion due to the lack of concern for taking care of the area.

The BP incident in the gulf is terrible. The beauty and wildlife of that region have been destroyed, and may likely be affected for several generations to come…but looking at the numbers from the explosion itself, of the 126 oil workers who were on board the BP oil rig… 11 people went missing, and an additional 8 were critically injured. So well say that 19 people were DIRECTLY affected from the explosion of the rig… that is .000152% of the number of people who were affected by what happened in Bhopal.

A valid argument would say that as of now, we cant tell definitely how many people may be impacted by eating fish from the contaminated area, or drinking water from that area in the gulf. Very true. It’s also very difficult to compare the disasters based on the value of human life alone, when so many animals, and so much of the ocean has been destroyed by this disaster. But this is also not the first time we have seen greed take precedence over the value of the environment, and especially over the value of human lives. I don’t write all of this to say, “Get over the BP thing” or to try to say it isn’t that bad. I hate that animals are getting sick, I hate that the once beautiful coastline is being destroyed, and I hate that oil continues to leak into the ocean. I am saying that I believe we need some perspective on what is going on here, and we need to recognize that we have the opportunity to do something about it. Daily we have the opportunity to cast our vote for corporate accountability, greed, and/or negligence. With every dollar you spend, you are casting your vote…buying from a company that has ethical standards, and supporting what they do. BP is obviously not the first company to ever cut corners to lower costs and increase profits at the cost of the environment and human lives. Many of the products we purchase every day are made in less than savory environments for people working for well under what we would consider a fair days wage.

Should BP be held accountable for what went on? Definitely, but hopefully this will also serve as a wakeup call that above huge profits, the preservation of human lives, and the care for the environment deserve a value on a company’s spreadsheet. So vote. Do your homework; try buying a product that might be slightly more expensive if you recognize that the company’s values are in line with your own. Don’t let BP off the hook, we can’t let this be another Bhopal…Encourage social and environmental responsibility with the way you spend your $$.

Life Through an iPhone

My family and friends often ask me about my traveling, and about my life since we live on opposite sides of the country. I have never been one to post lots of pictures, mainly because I have never really taken the time to label, and organize all of them. Anyway, in most all events within the last 1.5 years, I HAVE had my iPhone with me, and I have taken pictures on it. The following is 600+ photos of the last few years of my life. Now no one can say I wasnt showing any pictures

When Reason Runs Out

I have a particular pattern of reason that I apply to almost any decision or stressful situation. I’ve spent time analyzing that pattern, and seeing why it has often left me with the same result, even though I sometimes feel like it isn’t work. For example, not too long ago I bought a car. Anytime I intend to make a major purchase like this, I thoroughly evaluate all potential sides of the decision. Is this something I need? Will this be something that will last long? Is this the best price? What are my alternatives to spending this amount of money on this particular item? The list goes on.
After taking some time to ask those seemingly tedious questions, I start to seek the council of another. This sometimes comes in the form of a friend or family member, but can also be done researching online. What do people think about this product? What are the positives and negatives to ownership? What do those close to me think about my reasoning for buying this? Do they agree with me that this is a sound decision? And then more research.

When I feel like I have narrowed down my options, done my homework, and talked to people around me, that’s when I feel like I’m ready to kick the proverbial tires. In the example of a car, go take a look at it, maybe take it for a drive, even have a mechanic take a look at the vehicle for a more professional opinion. Once everything comes up ok, I make my decision and pray I did the right thing.

By most accounts, my reason and logic for making a decision seems well thought out. My steps seem clearly planned, there is plenty of room for those “red flags” both during research, and through the council of others that can always say “this is not a good idea”. What happens, however, when we take this approach in other areas of our life…like when things don’t exactly go our way?

Turns out I’m not the only one who hasn’t exactly gotten his way. The book for Job recants the story of a man name Job as his life is literally flipped upside down. The main reason the book is of interest though, is because of the dialogue between Job, his friends, and God. Backing up, in the beginning of Job, Job loses his servants, his land, his livestock, his camels, and all of his kids.  Job then is afflicted with painful sores covering his body. Towards the beginning of the story, Job sticks up for God, saying, “If we can accept the good from God, we have to be able to accept the bad”. As time passes, the book covers conversations had between Job and his three friends. In Job 10, Job begins to question God. “I will say to God: Do not condemn me, but tell me what charges you have against me.  Does it please you to oppress me, to spurn the work of your hands, while you smile on the schemes of the wicked?”

I can’t help but read that, and feel like I have been there. I haven’t lost everything I own, or had my entire family die, but we have all had those situations where we have to ask God why haven’t we? “God, why? Why did he/she die? Why this burden? Why this pain? Why don’t I feel like I am going to get through this? God I’m not sure I can make it.”

We come to that point of desperation, where we feel like things can’t possibly work out; we find ourselves at the end of ourselves. See, I DO apply the same methodology to my problems that I apply to my purchases.  I start off with those haunting questions that now turn inward, asking, “What’s this going to cost your life? How does this event impact YOUR plans? How could I have been prepared for this?” And just like with my purchase, I move straight into talking to people. “What’s your advice? Has this happened to you? Do you have any experience here? Any console for my situation?” We quickly find ourselves burdened by these seemingly overwhelming circumstances. Unable to make sense of it all; unable to answer the “why?” at the end of all reasoning.

In my pattern of decision making, notice I mentioned that I make the purchase, and “pray I did the right thing”. Seems to be how we approach problems too huh? When we can’t reason, when someone doesn’t have the quick answer, when the cancer has spread, when the child passes away, when the spouse is gone, we turn and ask “Why God?”

We don’t hear from God for a majority of the story in Job. In the beginning we hear about his dialogue with Satan, but after that God remains out of the picture until Chapter 38! When God answers, it’s interesting that He doesn’t directly reference Jobs troubles, or even the reason Job was suffering. Instead, he questions Job! Job 38:3 “Brace yourself like a man; I will questions you, and you shall answer me”. God proceed to pummel Job with questions that Job obviously has no answer for. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?”, “Do you give the horse its strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane?”, “Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?”. But what was God getting at?

Though he didn’t answer to Job’s pains directly, I think his message to Job was clear. This isn’t about YOU. This is MY story and you are playing a part in it. I am in control. To quote Donald Miller, from his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, “[God speaks] as though to say, Enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means YOU matter, and you can create within it, as I have created you.” The story of God’s redemption, and of his love, means that as his followers, we have the honor to play a roll in that story. Will there be plot twists, and things we don’t see coming? Without a doubt, but God reminds us in Hebrews 13:5-6 “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”” God never promised us an untroubled life, but what he does give us is hope, and hope will not disappoint. Romans 5:3-5 “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

I don’t know where this hits you today, for me, it reminds me that my decision-making process needs some fine tuning. My reliance on God can’t just be an afterthought once my decision has been made or a last ditch effort when problems arise. May I seek first the Kingdom of God for wisdom and discernment in any situation, and may the results of my problems and decisions be reflectant of God in my life. May God give you comfort where you are, and may you seek him in your time of need.

Useful Tech: Dropbox

Anyone with multiple computers, or even computing locations, has run into this issue. You are working on a file on your laptop, then later, log on to your home PC to continue working, only to remember that the file is actually still on your laptop. One way to handle that situation, is to carry around a USB thumb drive, and plug it into every machine that you are working on to make sure you are always copying over the new files. This works alright, however if for any reason you forget your USB drive, you are pretty much out of luck. I would suggest using an online tool called “Dropbox”. With Dropbox, its like having, (as the company describes it) a “magic pocket” that you can access anywhere. Have files that you are consistently accessing and modifying? Store them using drop box, and have them automatically sync to all computers you frequently use. An example: Working in the IT field means TONS of passwords that you have to memorize….employee benefits login, server logins, PC logins, IT support, etc…remembering all of those passwords and usernames can be a bit of a pain. Obviously I dont want to use the same password everywhere, so I use a tool called KeePass Password safe (I will describe that software in a future post). The KeePass password safe allows me to securely store my passwords and login information into an encrypted file. Here’s the thing, sometimes I need to access those passwords at home…going further, often times even at home, I sign up for new services, and new accounts, and need to keep track of those new passwords, needing to modify my KeePass password file. With the use of DropBox, I create a folder on each of my machines, and install the DropBox software. DropBox will automatically sync the files in my online DropBox with each of my PC’s where I have the software installed.

In addition to automatically syncing my files for me, DropBox can also be used to access the files from a PC that DOESN’T have DropBox software. Lets say I am going on a trip, and I have all of my itinerary and flight information stored in my DropBox…no matter what computer I am on, I can log-in to DropBox.com, connect to my box, and access my files. Even better, I can publicly share certain files or folders in my DropBox with others. So if I need to have a co-worker access a file, or I wanted to share a video with friends and family, I could create a DropBox link to that file, and allow them to access it without ever installing the DropBox software.

I strongly suggest at least testing out DropBox…it has a lot of very nice features, and the best part of all…its free!* (I put the Astrix because the free version of drop box is limited to 2GB…which should be more than enough for normal use…however they do have price plans that allow for additional online storage) The DropBox software is available for both Mac and PC…and even allows you to sync files between the two.

New New Years Resolutions Pt 1

Recent research shows that while 52% of participants in a resolution study were confident of success with their goals…while at the end of the year only 12% had actually achieved their goals. That being said, most likely, you or someone close to you has already ditched their New Years resolution. Thus, I propose to not make resolutions until the middle-to-end of January. It gives me a good amount of time to feel things out, see where I want to take things this year, and see what other people have started failing miserably at.  This technique also allows me to dismiss myself from conversations dealing with topics like “What’s your resolution this year?” and “You know what you should try and do next year?” With this release from such conversations, I never end up looking like a failure statistic, and I never have to worry about anyone holding me accountable to my goals.  In addition, anything big I DO accomplish during the year sounds even better because it was IN ADDITION to normal yearly goals. I’m all about capitalizing on maximum success.  Keeping my goals a secret keeps things exciting for those around me, and never lets failures in my life receive much attention. Haha. That being said, I would like to share some very realistic, and very practical goals for the New Year.  The kind of stuff that is good to take a look at with fresh eyes in the beginning of any new year, and can serve as a great motivator for actually creating and knocking a few things off the ol’ list. Some of this stuff is coming from my list of “I’ll get to it eventually” some of it is coming from the Micah Smith-investments-in-future-success-list.

Backup/Cleanup Your Computer

I work in IT for a living, and many people ask why I don’t share more “tips & tricks” related to information technology on my blog…well to be honest, I do it all day, so writing about it afterwards has never been all that appealing. That said, I think that a clean computer is a happy computer. Many spyware/virus related issues can be quickly and easily solved with the use of virus protection. For that, I suggest AVG Free (http://www.avg.com/us-en/download) The AVG Free edition provides what I would consider above average virus protection, as well as a link scanner that will display in web search results indicating pages that may or may not be safe; Very helpful in keeping your computer clean. Unless you are downloading copious amounts of illegal materials, I would suggest that AVG is all the protection one would need. I recommend setting AVG to run once or twice per week at a set schedule so you know your computer is always protected. It will also automatically update itself with new virus definitions so you never have to worry about your protection being out of date.

In addition to clearing out viruses, I recommend weekly backups of your irreplaceable documents to an external hard drive. This external drive would be best of being stored in a fireproof box, that is then wrapped in Atom Bomb grade steel and then weekly duplicated to an offsite location just in case your home becomes the target of a mis-guided missile.  Joking aside, I do recommend backing things up to an external usb hard drive at a weekly basis. This way even if your computer takes a dump on you, the stuff that you REALLY need, will still be backed up someplace else.  Programs for the most part can always be re-installed, but self created resumes, pictures, and other personal files may not always be as easy to replace if not backed up. Because I am lazy, I don’t want to handle the backups myself, so I suggest letting that process be automated as well by using a free tool called SyncBack for Windows (http://www.2brightsparks.com/freeware/) You can set it up to run at specific intervals (again, the 1 to 2 times a week rule works well) and you choose exactly what folders to back up and where to throw them. Investing in a 500GB external drive is great for normal PC users because it has plenty of space to back EVERYTHING up. Set it to copy your entire “My Documents” directory and let it go. The first time it runs through, it will most likely take awhile copying all the files. I would just start it before bed, and let it go overnight. After the initial data transfer, all subsequent transfers should be pretty quick only copying over those newly created or newly updated files. On the OSX side of things, I would suggest buying an Iomega external drive as they come with EMC’s Retrospect software (which is great for backing things up), or possibly looking at purchasing the Super Flexible File Synchronizer (http://www.superflexible.com/mac.htm). It offers similar functionality to that of Syncback, but however does carry a cost for the software. Optionally if you are on a newer flavor of OSX, you could try using Time Machine to back up your entire system, however I have for the most part found this to be slight overkill for me.

I don’t like to be overwhelmed with tasks, and neither does anyone else. I will be adding to my list of “New New Resolutions” in the next coming weeks leading up to the end of February where it just becomes too late to create new resolutions. Start the New Year off right by making sure to clean up/back up your computer, because remember: A clean computer is a happy computer.

Never Ending Pong

As anyone who has read more than one of my blog entries may realize, I don’t exactly paint the most attractive picture of myself on here. I mention how I can be materialistic, I that I ‘might’ have a slight problem always buying, wearing, coordinating lots of different shoes and watches, and I mentioned that as a young white male, I listen to quite a bit of hip-hop music even though I’m a Christian and work in IT. I make myself sound like a real catch and this entry is no exception… To add to my list of extremely desirable qualities, I admit that I play(ed) a lot of video games growing up. While I did surprisingly well in High School and College, I easily admit that I spent more time playing Halo than I did studying on any given year…especially my Junior and Senior years of college. Something about belittling a 12 year old boy after beating him in a taxing round of Halo- slayer via my Xbox live headset never seems to quite get old; an exigent task, but someone has to build up and break down the leaders of tomorrow. As a videogame connoisseur, I have played from the newest systems and games, all the way back to the originals on Atari like the fine game of pong. So somewhere between getting my first Nintendo before I attended first grade, and mastering online multiplayer games like Halo through college, I became quite practiced at beating people at video games, and then ruthlessly rubbing their faces in it afterward…And at the same time when/if I lost, I would be the first person to throw my controller and leave the room/be mad at the person who rubbed it in my face the exact same way. Exactly what the call of Christ is for men right? No?

At first glance, the call of a Christian seems pretty simple and straight forward; yet when digging a little deeper, unfortunately things don’t pan out as simple as they seem. When asked by the Pharisees for the greatest commandment in Matthew 22:36, Jesus replied “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ‘This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself”. So, loving God…doesn’t seem so difficult right? He made me, He gave me everything I have, He sent His Son to die for me…He seems like a pretty logical guy to love. Loving other people? That’s not so bad either right? I love my family, I love my friends, I love the people I work with, so that’s not that bad either right? And sure, I occasionally love people who are having a hard time, and I love orphans because they don’t have anything, and I love poor people from other countries, and that seems all fine as well because I have very little contact with those type of people, so it’s easy for me to say that I love them. What about the person that has hurt me though? What about the person whom I trusted with my heart and they let me down? What about that guy/girl that I let into my life who left me? What about the person who sits across from me at work who was talking about me? Where does Jesus mention the clause that I don’t have to love them in the Bible? He does doesn’t he? No? So by ‘neighbor’ he really meant EVERYONE?

Something that God has really put on my heart recently is the idea of forgiveness. I am the first person who is willing to accept forgiveness, either from God, or from other people when I have done something wrong, yet I am also the first person to hold on to a grudge and not let someone go when they have done something to wrong me. I don’t think I am the only one who is like that. We like that feeling right? Letting someone else feel how we’ve felt after doing something dumb. Letting them suffer a little bit like we suffered, while hanging on to that “you owe me” feeling. Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” So I feel like I am at a place where God is showing me that in continuing to grow in His image, I need to learn how to forgive others, the way that He has forgiven me.

In thinking about my reactions to being hurt, and how others have treated me when I have hurt them, I believe we generally respond to hurt in one of 4 ways. 1) We give it back – this is the easiest and most common way for us to deal with our pain. This is revenge. This is where we say, with regards to our hurt and pain, “I don’t want to live this, so I will do ________ to give it back to them”. We pass it back; you hurt me, so I will hurt you back, probably a little worse than you hurt me just to make sure you feel it. Ever play the game of pong growing up? The white bar hits the little white ball over to the other white bar, and the ball keeps bouncing back and forth. Revenge is relational pong. Revenge is hitting the ball back, but banking it against the wall to put a little English on it just to make sure it sneaks bye their white bar. Revenge is saying “God, I don’t fully trust you to deal with this, so I’m going to do this my way, and I’m going to make sure it makes up for what they did to me.” 2) We pass it around – The second way we can choose to deal with our hurt and our pain is to pass it around to those who live among us. This includes other friends, family members, children, employees, roommates, etc. Someone hurt us, and maybe because of our position (employee to boss or member to organization) or our situation, rather than throwing our hurt back at the person who caused the pain, we choose to spread that pain around to those who come in contact with us. This reaction to hurt is normally inadvertent. We don’t normally choose to take our frustrations and our hurt out on our families and friends, but sometimes we find that in those situations where we don’t/can’t strike back, we spread the pain out on those who are close to us. 3) We carry it – I think our third option for dealing with hurt and pain is to carry it. Load it up, and add to the emotional baggage that we may already be dealing with. “I don’t choose to strike back or I may not feel like I am in a position to hurt that person back, so instead I will just carry the pain”. We bottle it up, we don’t let it show, and we keep on going. This on the outside may seem like a somewhat healthy reaction to the hurt or the pain, but on the inside, it is tearing us apart. We dwell on it; we continue to think about what was done to us, and in some situations, that pain and that hurt can consume us. 4) We forgive – The final response to hurt dished out by someone else is for us to forgive the person that has wronged us.  Forgiveness means refusing to make them pay for what they did; refusing to take control of making things “even”, and turning that hurt, and that pain over to God. With forgiveness, you are absorbing the debt. You own it….and it hurts. It can hurt terribly. Taking the cost of that pain, the price of that hurt on to you instead of taking it out on the other person. Surrendering our right to get even, and taking a step of faith that through that pain, and through that hurt, that God will come through. Do I trust God enough to handle this, rather than me making things even in my sight? Forgiveness is the opposite of relational pong. Forgiveness is taking your hand off the joystick and saying “I’m not going to get caught up in this; I’m not going to be a part of this cycle anymore”

Through forgiveness I believe that we are experiencing in full what God has for us. When we forgive, we turn things over to God’s hands, and we let him be in control. We acknowledge that “getting them back”, is not love, and not how we experience Christ in our lives. Forgiveness also allows us to grow. The full redeeming love of God allows us to see those we have forgiven as well as ourselves in a different way. That hurt, and that heartache can either destroy us, or transform us…but it will never leave us the same. I believe that as we begin to allow God to intervene in our pain, and as we begin to forgive others, he begins to change our hearts. In that process of forgiveness, we are transformed. Where we used to see ourselves as victims, we start to see ourselves through the eyes of Christ. Our hearts are changed, our views are change, and we don’t have to live like victims anymore. Where we used to see those who hurt us as evil, we see them as broken people, living in a broken world just like us. Romans 12:2 asks us to be living sacrifices to the Lord and speaks to this point; “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Rather than passing it on, or spreading it out (the ways of the world – passing it back/on just like everyone else), by forgiving others we are transformed by the renewing love of our Savior who wants the best for us. May we not miss out on the fullness of life that God has for us by getting involved in the never ending battles of relational pong. May we be constantly renewed and built up in our pursuit of our Savior as we seek to live and love like Him in our relationships. May we be transformed and take the path that says “I can’t fix it, I cant make it better, so I give it to You Lord and asking for your healing”…and may we not yell profanities at 12 year old boys who are better than us in video games, because who knows? They may choose to pass it along and yell at my kids one day.

Lust: More Than Meets the Eye

I have a confession. Haha Scary to have a blog entry about Lust and then start out with a confession huh? No, my confession isn’t in the realm of odd sexual fetishes, it’s bigger than that. Many of my friends and family already know this, but here goes: I am a closet hip-hop fiend. That’s right, the nerdy white guy who writes these posts, works in IT, and teaches IT professionals on a weekly basis, is as raw as the streets. No, I don’t drink Colt 45, own a weapon, or even smoke weed, but I do like hip-hop music. I listen to a lot of Jay-Z in fact. I would say that he is one of the most influential artists in the hip-hop culture, and someone that many artists measure themselves up to. That being said, I was recently listening to a Jay-Z mixtape that featured a song called “History” which I said to be on his yet-to-be-released Blueprint 3 album. (yes, I’m soo hood i’m normally listening to stuff months before it hits any radio station) EDIT: Turns out History never made it to BP3…a good track none the less. Anyway, the song is produced by Kanye West, and is said to be written in response/support of Barack Obama’s run for presidency. One verse in the song really stuck with me; “I just threw on my hoodie and headed to the street, That’s where I met success, we’d live together shortly, Now success is like lust, she’s good to the touch, She’s good for the moment but she’s never enough.” Wow. Rarely do you see verses this deep in any kind of music; let alone a genre that typically promotes violence, drugs, and promiscuity.

When lust is mentioned with regards to the bible, most people immediately think of the story in the Old Testament where David is watching Bathsheba take a bath on the roof, and then eventually “lays with her” (haha I don’t know why I think that phrasing is so funny). The book of second Samuel talks about another lust that is even more interesting though; Amnon’s lust for Tamar. In chapter 13, it says that Amnon, son of David, became “so obsessed to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.” Amnon’s friends/advisors start noticing his declining mood, ask him what’s going on, and he tells them of his obsession for this sister Tamar. After talking with them, they come up with a plan for Amnon to pretend to be ill, and request to David that Tamar come and tend to him while he is sick. Once Tamar comes to visit Amnon, he sends his servent’s out of the room, and he rapes here (2 Samuel 13:9-14). Now, yes, I agree this is disgusting that a woman gets raped, and even worse that it is his sister. What they didn’t cover this story in Sunday School? Anyway, what’s really odd about this story is the information the author offers next. 2 Samuel 13:15 “Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, ‘Get up and get out!’” How Amnon feels after doing that seems like the last thing we would hear about. We could understand her repulsion, but his? “He hated her more than he had loved her”? What makes Amnon go from this intense obsession for his sister, to hatred; from one extreme to another? Lust.

The word for lust in the Greek language is the word epithumia. It’s actually made up of two Greek words: epi for “in”, and thumos which refers to “the mind”. Lust = “In the mind”. This is important as we begin to define lust. Lust begins with that “if I just….” question in our minds, and lust always promises what it can’t deliver. The things that we lust after aren’t necessarily the issue; it’s the weight that we give them. “If I just lost x lbs”, “If I just had THAT shirt”, “If I just had THAT wife”, “If I were THAT popular”…The idea creeps into our head as if we are missing something, and we spend our time, energy, efforts to fill that hole, fix that gap, capture what is in our sights. On top of that, consider the head-space we give those things we lust over… thinking about them, planning, schema, trying to hope no one notices our missing part. Lust = “In the mind”. Here is where I think Jay-Z’s line is brilliant. “Now success is like lust, she’s good to the touch, She’s good for the moment but she’s never enough”. How true is that? Lust promises something it can’t deliver. Lust may leave us satisfied for the moment, but lust will always leave us craving more, always leave us with something else to chase. Success, fame, money, possessions, the lust never ends. Proof of this is everywhere. Every person who has bought that “fix it all gadget” only to realize shortly after that it didn’t exactly make everything better. We see examples of this in people’s lives. Hip Hop artist Kid CuDi recently announced his retirement after only one album. Why? Fame wasn’t what it promised. The hype of “making it” was bigger than “making it” turned out to be. Something was still missing.

We have so much to enjoy in life, yet spend our time fixated on what we think we are missing. This is why gratitude is so important to the life God has for us. Until we can center ourselves on what we do have, on what God has given us, on the life God has allowed us to live, we’ll constantly be looking for another life. That’s why we see the word remember come up so often in the Bible. God telling his people “remember who you are, what you have seen, what I have done for you”. If we stop remembering, we might forget, and that’s when the trouble comes in. So what if we stopped chasing, stopped comparing, and stopped looking for the quick fix? May you remember where God has taken you, what God has done for you, and be thankful for the life he has given you, not looking at others to compare, but looking to a Heavenly Father who can be the only one to truly satisfy you.

Kick in Groin

I hate change. Not like doing something different in my life, but the kind that sits in your pocket all the time, rattles when you walk, and eventually is lost. The penny could be one of the most worthless items in the US….literally. I don’t carry change, and normally pay for everything with a credit card for the purpose of never getting change in return. Ya it may sound weird but I don’t care, I just really don’t like it. That being said, I went to get some chips at lunch like normal every other day. I put my dollar in (like I said I hate using/owning change) and selected A4 to get my Cheetos on. Let me preface this next part by saying this vending machine has had it our for me ever since I started working here. As my cheetos start to fall, I hear the change drawer from the vending machine…my change due is $.25, and of course I get 5 nickles. Arrgggg. I spit on the machine, kicked in the glass, and went back to my desk.

The Search for Significance

Sometimes I have those days where I put in a long day at work, go to the gym by myself with my headphones on, and head home once it’s already dark. I have trouble finding significance in days like that. I get home, and wonder what I really did today that made this day worth it. It’s in these times that I sometimes find myself searching for my significance.

If you were to watch an E True Hollywood Story on Adam, I think it would be pretty disappointing at best. While most people on there have a pretty exciting party life or celebrity stretch, it only took Adam two chapters of the Bible to live the good life before he screwed things up. By chapter 3 of Genesis, he’s already on his downward spiral…. actually he wasn’t even created until day six, which is mostly toward the end of chapter one, so it really only took him a little over one chapter to mess things up. Regardless, looking at the time he WAS spending in the Garden of Eden, he got to do some amazing things. First off, he gets to take care of this crazy garden that God creates. Imagine the responsibility of taking care of the first garden, ever. On top of that, God brings all of the animals and birds to Adam and lets him come up with the names. I can’t even begin to imagine this type of responsibility. All these animals God had just created, and he lets this man that he created in his own image be the one to name them all. Can you imagine how that would go? Adam spends all day naming these crazy looking animals he has never seen before. God rolls out an animal and Adam spends all of 10 seconds looking it over and comes up with a name like “Kangaroo”. And animal after animal God just sighs and says, “Alright, fine, well call it what you want, but I really wish you knew the work that went into making that one”. I can just imagine towards the end of that day, Adam is real tired of coming up with new names, and God says “This is the last one I promise, just give me one more name” and he rolls out the last animal only to hear Adam think briefly say “I will call this one dog”. Adam sits there snickering to himself as God realizes it is his name backwards and regrets letting Adam do anything, ever. Hahah. Alright, so a lot of that about the naming was possibly just made up, but Adam really did get this huge responsibility of getting to name a large portion of what God had just created. Adam had a significant role in helping to manage and maintain what God had created in the 2nd chapter of Genesis. By chapter 3, Adam and Eve have made a pretty nice mess of things and God reprimands them both by taking away something deep within them. To Eve, he gives her the desire for her husband, yet says that he will rule over her. To Adam, he says “from dust you were made, and to dust you will return.” Buzz kill for Adam. He went from being God main man (actually God’s only man) to being called back to the dust he originally came from. Adam had this huge responsibility, and this really important position to being called a nothing. Adam is no longer as significant as he once was and so starts man’s search for significance.

Everyone wants to feel important, wants to feel like they matter….that they matter to something, that they matter to someone, and that they have some purpose in being here. Unfortunately, in this search for significance, we find ourselves sometimes looking for that significance in the wrong things. We thing “if I had this girl/guy, then FINALLY I would be truly significant to someone”…if I just had this car, or this house, then FINALLY people could see my worth, people could know I am important. In all that searching however, people only find themselves searching more and more, and looking for bigger and better things. Always temporarily fulfilling themselves, but still left wanting for more. The thing is, we are all guilty of it sometimes. In those times, people turn to things like pornography, mistresses, over-spending, or to the abuse of drugs or alcohol to relieve themselves from their pain; to make themselves feel significant.

Here’s where I think we have really 2 main options. We can admit that we have this need, and do whatever it takes to always try to fulfill it ourselves with whatever feels good, and be always left wanting more, or we can take another road. Revelation (The last book of the bible) says in chapter 3:20-21 “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.” God says to us all “there is another way, it doesn’t have to be like this, you don’t have to do it on your own, once again, you can find your significance in me.” It doesn’t have to be the way it always has been. Search deep within your soul, you have been created for more than what you are living for.

“There has to be more to life than what I have yet experienced”

Focus

There’s this thing about me; I seem to do really well when focusing on one thing. I don’t know if its because of me or because of something mentally, but I seem to really be able to focus a lot of energy on one thing at a time. It changes throughout the year. Recently my focus was on getting Christmas gifts for my family. Other times it has been working out, playing basketball, my job, etc. I pick one thing and just go all at it. What really sucks, is when I go all out at something and it doesn’t work out for me. When what I think should happen, doesn’t actually happen. When I go to buy that one gift for my brother on Christmas eve that they happen to be sold out of. When I work really hard at my job, but still struggle with teaching certain aspects of visual basic to people. When I play basketball a bunch, yet still don’t play as well as I think I should in a summer league game. When what I think should happen, doesn’t actually happen, I get pretty upset.

Fortunately, I don’t think that I am alone in this. Turns out people have been feeling like this for quite some time. Take for instance the Paul. His one goal later in life was to go around and preach the gospel to people. It’s the one thing he was focusing on, yet he gets thrown in jail. Yea maybe a little more extreme of a goal and a little more extreme of a roadblock than my wanting to play well in a summer league basketball game, but even still, he handles it way better than I do. I get pissed, mainly just mad at myself, and contemplate quitting ever playing basketball anymore, or contemplate just giving up on working out and starting to play video games a lot. I get frustrated and get upset. Paul on the other hand, is just as joyful in prison, as he is when he is out preaching/reaching people, even though he is stuck in prison, and destined to be killed for what he believes in.

In Philippians 4 Paul is writing a letter to the people of Philippi, encouraging them, and letting them in on what is going on with him. In verse 4, Paul says “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say Rejoice!”. A really easy verse to just skip over, especially if you aren’t thinking about the situation this guy is in when he is writing it. But seriously Paul, what were you thinking?? You are sitting in prison, the thing you want to do (preaching) you are unable to do because Caesar doesn’t do well with you talking about other gods and locks you up to be killed. How can you rejoice? When I am not able to do what I want to do, Joy is the last thing that comes to mind, I mean I cant even fake a smile that well when I’m upset. Paul isn’t talking about forcing Joy though, or pretending to be happy here, he is talking about a Joy that goes beyond all worldly understanding. The word for rejoice used here in the original language is “Chairo”. “Chairo” comes from the root word of “Charis” which means gift. This is also where we get the word “Eucharist”, which is the Lord’s Supper/Communion, and translates to “the good gift”. Anyway, to rejoice literally can be translated to become aware of/recognizing the gift. Joy then, is not a fake happy, but an alert awareness of the gifts around us. Joy is learning to discern that God is up to something even in this. Paul is in prison, yet is joyful. He is aware of the gift. The gift of life, the gift of breath, the gift of our forgiveness, even the gift of our entire life. Joy is learning to perceive things that run counter to prevailing wisdom about how the world works. When you get thrown in jail, thats a bad thing since your job is to spread the word of God. He does not accept the prevailing wisdom, and says “ill just write letters, even if no one reads them”. When he gets to prison, he should be bitter, and upset because he can’t do what he wants, but he’s not, he’s joyful, he’s rejoicing. Joy is a disciplined awareness that God is up to something even in this.

Often times those who have suffered are able to have an acute/enlivened since of what real joy is. They have been through certain pain, and when they have overcome that pain, or even learned to accept it, they have a heightened awareness of the gifts they have. Hair never felt so soft to the former leukemia patient, families never felt so close after the passing of a loved one, the birth of a baby was never more of a blessing after a miscarriage. In the midst of the suffering Paul says “Wake up! There is joy all around you. These circumstances are not all there is, you don’t have to react the way the world expects.”

I don’t know how this holiday season was for you, but I know with the way the economy has been going, and with just time in general and people passing, it wasn’t the same as last year. I pray beyond all of that, beyond the presents, the parties, the stuff, that we would stop and be joyful; not focusing on all the negative stuff, but take time to be aware of the true gifts all around us.